Book Review: Unleashed by Erwin Raphael McManus

Unleashed by Erwin Raphael McManus is written in a straightforward, easy to read style, but its content is hard to swallow. McManus challenges that the church today is drinking a watered down Jesus. He creates a dichotomy between the civilized Christian and the barbaric Christian, calling us to the way of the barbaric. While this may sound dramatic or crude, it is characterized by a life of love, obedience, and sacrifice to Christ with an unashamed abandon. The focus is on commitment, being sold-out to Christ, rather than just going through the motions and doing the expected Christian thing.

My main criticism is that there is a lot of theory and not a lot of practical application for those wanting to make a change. For those readers who feel called to move from civilized Christianity to barbaric Christianity, there is no help for what to do.

Unleashed forces you to the point to make a decision. It desires to move you from the point of belief to the call to action, living our lives with everything for Christ. If you desire to stay where you are in your walk with Christ, don’t pick up this book. If you’re ready to be challenged and move deeper in your faith, then grab a copy of this book and get ready for your world to be turned upside down.


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Book Review: Max on Life by Max Lucado

Max on Life by Max Lucado is not a book you sit down and read in one sitting, but more of a resource on some of the most asked questions the famous author received about the Christian life. He organizes the 200 questions he answers with biblical truths in the following seven categories:

-Hope
-Hurt
-Help
-Him/Her
-Home
-Haves/Have-Nots
-Hereafter

In addition to answering questions in these categories, there is a brief section about information for aspiring writers, notes, and a topical index for quickly finding the answers to you questions.

While the questions were not answered in depth, they did scratch the surface of the issue and point the reader in the right direction. Obviously, in answering 200 questions, you cannot address every aspect of the question, but some of the answers were a little brief for such deep questions. While I wasn’t blown away by any new information, I believe this would be a great beginning point for a lot of questions. This would be a great resource for a quick biblical perspective when faced with tough questions to keep on your bookshelf. I would recommend Max on Life as a great resource to have, but not all conclusive for life’s issues.


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Book Review: The Take Action Bible, NKJV

The Take Action Bible in the New King James Version is a handy reminder to believers to get busy about the work of God. It is UltraSlim, making it easy to carry with you, and paperback. The pages are quite thin to make this bible UltraSlim, but the writing is still readable and not too hard on the eyes. Interspersed throughout the Bible text are five groups of stories under the categories of Go, Serve, Give, Heal, and Teach. Each category contains 3 real life stories of people putting action to their faith, and a few thought provoking questions with space to write your answer. There is also a notes sheet at the end of each section.

At the end of the bible, they offer 52 practical ways to serve others, one for each week of the year. These aren't just randomly selected, each has a scripture verse to go with the action, to give you the reason WHY you are doing these things. It's easy to do good things, but it is also easy to forget the meaning behind them or for what purpose we are doing them. This helps to remind you of that.

I was hoping for more inspirational content scattered throughout the Biblical text, instead of being clumped together. I am also concerned about the durability of the Bible, since it is paperback with very thin pages. It is a nice idea, however, to include stories and ideas of ways God has moved others to help to hear His voice a little clearer in our own lives.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Book Review: Bad Girls of the Bible by Liz Curtis Higgs

Bad Girls of the Bible (And What We Can Learn from Them) by Liz Curtis Higgs is an eye opening look through the Bible for women. It can be read as an individual study, or the questions at the end of each chapter lend themselves to group discussion. There is also an extensive section at the end of the book which shows scripture references for each of the women the book looks at. While these women may have been labled as "Bad Girls" from our reading of the Bible, with the closer look that this book provides, I found myself identifying with these bad girls at some point in my life. The good news is that no matter the past, forgiveness can be found in Christ!

This book is written well, and will draw you in. It will help you to look within your heart and find areas that are not pleasing to God, and work to change those. While it was great read alone, I can only imagine the benefit from working through this convicting and encouraging book with a group of women who love God and desire to please Him above all!

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Book Review: Unsinkable by Abby Sunderland

Unsinkable: A Young Woman's Courageous Battle on the High Seas by Abby Sunderland is her gripping account of her attempt to solo circumnavigate the globe by boat...at the age of sixteen. Her family history is included, and you get the big picture of how Abby ended up with the skills and drive at such a young age to travel the world alone. The story is compelling, as many have heard about the rescue, but most do not know the entire story. She is a motivated, focused woman with a passion that drives her, and the book will leave you desiring to pursue your own dreams with the same kind of passion.

The book is written from three different perspectives: a narrator, Abby's own telling of the story, and those who rescued her when she was unable to continue on her journey. I did find it a bit difficult to follow, as it switched often from the narrator to Abby, but with a little practice, I was able to go back and forth without much effort. The story is one that will draw you in, and then leave you motivated.

I would recommend this book for anyone who has big dreams and a sense of adventure. You will be out chasing your own when you can put this great book down!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Book Review: Thank You God, for Mommy by Amy Parker

Thank You God, for Mommy by Amy Parker is a sweet children's book from the eyes of a little panda about his mom. Through the book, he thanks God for all the things about his mom that make him feel safe and loved, and most importantly, point him to God. Through the rhyming prose, children of all ages will find things to be thankful for about their moms too!

The illustrations by Frank Endersby and beautifully done and full of life and color. Children will certainly enjoy this reminder of many things to be thankful for in special people in their lives. The qualities praised in the book are virtues, not outward appearance or superficial things. Most of all, the little panda thanks God that his mommy helps him trust in God too, and that she will always love little panda, no matter what he does!!

I would recommend this book to any children's library to learn what it means to be thankful, and what to be thankful for! Most importantly, children will learn that it is good and right to be thankful to God for all the blessings in their lives, and this book will inspire them to be thankful for those blessings in their lives just like little panda did!


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Review: Fruit of the Spirit: Love by Calvin Miller

Fruit of the Spirit: Love: Cultivating a Spirit-Given Character by Calvin Miller is a six-week bible study that can be done with a group or on your own. It is one in a series Miller has written focusing on the fruit of the spirit, found in Galatians 5:22-23. This particular study focuses on the fruit of love, and developing a Christ-like love in our lives.

It is a fairly quick and easy read, and Miller has enhanced the study by providing thought-provoking questions for individual reflection or group discussion. It is focused on drawing these truths about love from the Bible, and encouraging to read passages on your own. The readings are broken down by day within the week, to provide accountability and easy time management. However, the daily readings are quite short, and it would be easy to complete a week’s worth of readings in a day’s time.

I would recommend this study for new believers, as it is a bit basic in application and depth, but easy to understand and apply. For those more seasoned in their faith, this study could serve as a great reminder of these basic principles of love, and as a check up to make sure this fruit is developing healthily in their walk with God. While it is not new or groundbreaking information, I know that this basic study of love will benefit many believers.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Message of Salvation

Jesus said to him, "One thing you still lack; sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." But when he had heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich. And Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for those who are wealthy to enter the kingdom of God! "For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." They who heard it said, "Then who can be saved?" But He said, "The things that are impossible with people are possible with God."
-Luke 18:18-27

Many people devote their entire lives to the spending, saving, and making of money. While such success can give a feeling of accomplishment, it is usually short-lived. This is because we were created for something more. While money may satisfy for a short while, there is something better that will satisfy our soul for eternity.

God has made a way for us to have eternal life. Sin has been present in this world from the very first man and woman. We all mess up and do things contrary to God's word. This separates us from God, because he is holy and cannot be in the presence of sin. Thus, sinners must die and be eternally separated from God. Fortunately, being the sinners that we are, God did not end the story here.

God sent his son, Jesus, to die in our place. Jesus was fully God, yet fully man, as he walked on this earth in complete obedience to God. Jesus took the sins of the world on himself; all sins previously committed and those yet to happen; and died on a cross, delivering us from the wrath of God as it was poured out on him at his death, as only man could. As he died, he suffered our punishment as he experienced an eternity of hell in a finite amount of time, as only God could. However, death did not conquer Jesus. On the cross, Jesus triumphed over death, making a way for eternal life for the world, and rose from the grave to sit at the right hand of God the Father throughout eternity.

There is action required on our part. Understanding our sinfulness, we must acknowledge that we are nothing apart from Christ, and believing that Jesus died on the cross and rose again, bearing our punishment and delivering us from sin, we must allow him to rule supreme in our lives. This is where the problem lies for many people in this world. Things like money reign in our lives, gaining the top spot in our priorities and influencing our every decision. Money cannot deliver you from your sin, only Jesus can. Surrender your life to Christ, and the rest will fall into place. While life will still be full of struggles, you will know that you have an eternal protector and provider in Christ.

If you have never invited Jesus to rule your life, there would be no greater time than now. I would invite you to pray a simple prayer like the one listed below. However, special words or prayers are not the answer. The most important thing for you to do is to tell Jesus what is on your heart, just like you were talking to a friend. Words do not save you, but what is in your heart will.

Jesus, I know I have failed you. I am nothing without you. Thank you so much for your sacrifice on the cross to save me from my sins. I believe you have risen from the dead and live in heaven now, where I will see you one day. I could never repay you for the gift you have given me, but I can give my life to you. I ask that you rule over my life from today forward. I love you, and it is in your name that I pray. Amen.

In Money We Trust

"He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves abundance with its income. This too is vanity...As he had come naked from his mother's womb, so will he return as he came. He will take nothing from the fruit of his labor that he can carry in his hand."

-Ecclesiastes 5:10, 15

Ironically, on the face of our currency in the United States, "In God We Trust" is printed prominently. While there have been many legal battles over these small four words, they remain to this day. However, I am not sure I believe them. I think "In Money We Trust" would ring truer.

Obsessed with the newest technology and the fastest cars and shiniest things, this country has placed themselves at the altar of the dollar bill. Either from an abundance, or a lack thereof, money has become the object of worship and adoration. Those who have much are always grasping for more, while those who have little are convinced that a little more would be life changing. I'm afraid it is, but not in the way they hope. Money, in small or large amounts, awakes a hunger for more that is never satisfies, and often devours all that was important to us in an attempt to quiet its ravenous core.

What do we do then? Money is necessary to survive in this world that spins on the dollar and orbits around credit cards. Our perspective is what must change. Instead of seeing money as a prize or indication of greatness, we must first understand that it all belongs to God. It was never ours to begin with. He simply has allowed us to use it temporarily to further his kingdom, not ours. With this understanding, we can begin to see money as a tool rather than a reward on a pedestal.

You can't take it with you. When you leave this world, your money will stay. If I can save thousands of dollars, but all it does is sit in a bank, then it is useless. Will your legacy be that you gained a lot of money in this world? Or will you make an impact on this world with the way you radically use your money for the kingdom of Christ?

Father, I pray that you will grant me the privilege of sponsoring your kingdom in heaven through the ways I spend my money here on earth. May each penny be spent to bring you glory. Amen.

Surveying Stewardship

"So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God." -Romans 14:12

The concept of stewardship conjures up images of frugality, thriftiness, and wise monetary planning. While these things certainly are a part of stewardship, they do not comprise the totality of what it means to be a good steward.

A 'steward', according to definr.com, is "someone who manages property or other affairs for someone else." As one who follows Christ, then, the "someone else" that we are managing the affairs for would be God. All that we have been given on this earth has been entrusted to us by God. Ultimately, the things we hold dear in this world was never ours to begin with, but simply bestowed upon us to take care of as God sees fit.

With this knowledge, our perspective of stewardship must shift away from monetary shrewdness and towards a lifestyle of pleasing God with everything we have and all that we do. We are accountable to God for what we do with his blessings while they are under our care. I welcome you to journey with me as we study what it means to be God's steward in this world. I pray that as we search the scriptures, we will see the heart of God as our lives are transformed to be more like his.

replacement therapy

^"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:4-7

stress is everywhere. we are surrounded, and all too often overtaken, by its evil snares. it seems that our dues of living in this this world are to eat, sleep, and breathe worry simply from the pace and demands of our every day routine. and as stress wraps itself around our spirit like a hungry boa constrictor, it tries to squeeze the life out of us and devour our witness. stress leaves us empty, depressed, and useless.

stress, in the life of a Christ-follower, is a warning light of a bigger internal struggle. worry and anxiety stem from a lack of trust in our God to provide for our needs. it demonstrates our self-sufficient worldview and attitude. sometimes i get tired of fighting this lie. sometimes i lose the battle. i still look to myself for provision even after i have proven again and again that the only thing i am able to supply for myself is trouble.

and it is here that God speaks to my heart through the words penned by Paul to the people of Phillipi - the answer is prayer. while stress accomplishes nothing except to destroy your walk with God, prayer accomplishes everything. prayer allows us to shift the focus from ourselves and onto God, who has much better plans for our lives anyways. prayer provides the peace our anxious souls seek, as it works to align our wills with the will of God.

as we find the peace that can only come from Christ in the midst of this stress-filled world, our proper response is rejoicing. while circumstances may seem confusing or overwhelming, we have no cause for fear. we have a savior who loves us enough to die in our place, taking our sin and punishment on himself so that we may be free. but he didn't stop there- he is intimately involved in every step of our life now. we have power and life on our side, guiding us as we submit our desires in deference to his. what better way to live life!?

God, help me to not make sense in this crazy world. I desire your peace to reign in my life even when it seems impossible. Help me live a life that this world questions, so that I may share that YOU are the answer.

courageous humility

"Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy,

to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever.

Amen."

-Jude 1:24-25

by my very nature, i am clumsy. i am decorated with hues of blues and purples from bumps and falls i don't even remember. i have stripe marks from losing many battles with blazing appliances. some say i don't pay enough attention; i like to say i am too busy living life. despite my classification, i am perpetually proclaiming to the world my innate ability to stumble through life.

and oh, how guilty i am of doing the same thing spiritually.

this lost and dying world looks to me to see what following this Christ is all about. and instead of seeing Him, they see a frazzled, exhausted, shell of a person. what a way to share the message of hope that lives inside me.

praise God He doesn't leave me to my own devices! my significance is directly tied to Jesus who lives in me-i am beyond worthless on my own. but Jesus- HE is able to keep me from stumbling! my spiritual bruises and scrapes vanish as i trust in Him to sustain my every breath, step, and thought.

however, while He is ABLE, Jude doesn't say He does. we have an active role of surrender- ironically, as we fall on our face before Him, we are walking uprightly. He makes our position of humility one of highest honor. we become blemish free as we trust in Him. this is the way i desire to present my life to the world- not on my own abilities and strengths, which are meager at best, but hidden behind the cross. may others see Jesus and Jesus only in me. He deserves all the credit for any good that may be in me- as I am nothing on my own.

Father, grant me the courage to trade my life for yours. Where you lead, I will go- steadied by your ever-faithful hand.

beyond the splendor of lilies

"See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34

i love flowers. each one has an intricate, delicate beauty all to its own. i find them especially beautiful when i have helped them to grow.

wildflowers especially have this exquisite, untamed charm that i am drawn to. God's mercy and love seems to be painted on the face of each petal, and something about them captivates me. they are not prized treasures to most, not sold in bundles from the florists shop for special occasions, but rather, they strain on their own through the broken soil, revealing a beautiful display of glory.

and it startles me to think that the creator of these bursts of splendor prizes me even more. all the beauty i see in these fragrant splashes of color- He sees even more in me. while i may not be sought after by the world, He pursues after me hotly with a holy blaze of passion.

and while my days certainly do have enough troubles as i push upward through this broken world, i find myself in a constant battle of the "what ifs" and "what nows". while i am here to display the glory of my creator, i wonder how much of that beauty fades under the weight of my worries.

God holds all my tomorrows. what have i to fear? my focus should be on daily, in each moment, seeking first His desires for my every step, trusting in obedience, not running ahead, finding myself lost, scared, and confused.

who better than the creator to know what i need? and He withholds nothing from me that i need. as i learn this truth, i pray my splendor and beauty is found in Christ alone.

God, help me bloom in the Son. Amen.

monsters under the bed

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6

the fear of the unknown can be paralyzing. sometimes the easiest choice is to stay put, rather than facing uncharted territory. praise God that the choice isn't always ours to make.

the israelites have been wandering for years, waiting to enter the land that was promised to them. they have shown themselves to be a selfish, complaining people and easily persuaded away by other gods, even having seen the power of God intimately on their journey. and yet our faithful God blesses this unfaithful people with these words.

this new promised land was a land of uncertainty for the people of israel. there were enemies to conquer to take the land. and yet this land was PROMISED- it was to be theirs. despite this promise, they were concerned that their own strength was not enough. and they were correct in this assumption. only through God's strength could they enter the promised land that was theirs.

in our life, in our battles and uncertainties, the strength and courage to be possessed is not our own. the reason we can be strong and courageous is because the Lord goes with us. our boldness and strength does not lie within ourselves, but with God who lives inside us.

God is true to his Word He has given. He will never fail or forsake us. we will not be led into a battle that we will lose. even when circumstances would seem to indicate otherwise, God has a greater and higher purpose in mind. each victory in battle is part of His design. when the victory comes in the form of hard times or struggles, God is not surprised, dismayed, or defeated. He is still victorious.

it is the Lord our God who goes with us.

isn't it time we started living victoriously rather than scared and defeated? just as the monsters under the bed vanish in the light, fear and doubt flee in the face of the light of the world. this world was never meant to be easy. but with Christ in us, we were meant to be victorious.

Father, shine your light on this dark world that they may see your victory. Amen.

beautiful one

"One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, 'Look at us!' So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

Then Peter said, 'Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.' Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him." -Acts 3:1-10

God has used his word over and over to speak to me, as it is fresh and alive, and working in my heart today. i can put myself in each person's shoes in this slice of life, and each one has something to say to me. today, i am John.

i can imagine Peter and John approaching the temple together, perhaps discussing some teaching of Jesus, or what was happening in the world then. they come to enter the gate, a crippled, dirty, lonely man sits, and they continue to talk, ignoring him completely, used to seeing half-heartedly and passing by beggars at the temple gate each time they came to pray. but as the man cried out for money, this time was different.

perhaps they had just had a study on caring for the homeless. maybe they were feeling especially compassionate this day. but as the man cried out for money, as was his routine, they stopped in their tracks.

Peter, inspired by the Holy Spirit, has a plan. he has been given words to say to this man by a holy God, who has seen this man's plight, which was deeper than financial insecurities. Peter begins to see this man for the first time.

but there's John, standing next to him. as Peter commands the man's attention, in my mind's eye i can see him digging in his pockets, desperately searching for a bit of change, or a piece of leftover lunch, oblivious to what is about to happen.

now, i know this isn't scriptural, or probably the way things happened, but God has blessed me with an overactive imagination. and while this may not be true of John, it is so often true of me.

so often, i stand frantically searching for a morsel of food or a small amount of money to pass along to someone in need. i see a problem, and i want to fix it. but by applying a band-aid to a gaping wound and sending them on their way, aren't i doing more harm than good?

while i desire to fix the problems i can see, God desires much more to fix the eternal plight of their souls.

if Peter and John had thrown this beggar a denari and went on to pray, he would still be there, crippled and dirty and damned to hell, each day that passed.

but as Peter really saw the man that day, he was used by God to share with this man how God could fix his problems that were so much bigger than poverty.

God, please hide me behind your cross. shine through me so that others may see Jesus in me, and not myself. give me the eyes to see the world as you see it, and the courage to act accordingly.

Jubilee is Dawning

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations." (Isaiah 61:1-4)

today is an appropriate day to share where the name for my blog comes from. i have always been captivated by the beautiful picture of restoration and provision God gives through the year of jubilee. and God is restoring me in my own "year of jubilee." the time span is much longer than any calendar year, but God's hand is at work, breaking the chains of slavery and delivering me from the wicked one.

my heart bears many scars of the past, some of which own me more than i own them. and sadly, i've wrestled with them for more than i should. God has begun to remove the veil and restore me to what i can completely be in him. where i had nothing but ashes, God has restored beauty.
there are so many words i could say about the scripture from Isaiah concerning my jubilee, but i think they are best left in their original form. my heart has never felt more whole, more complete, than now, reading through those powerful words, knowing God has covered the darkness with the light of His unfailing, neverending, forEVER love.

and that is my jubilee. it is still dawning. praise God.

walk by faith

music inspires me. i feel it in my soul, it grabs hold of my heart, it does not let go. and i am so grateful that God made me this way, because he often uses music to speak to me. a kind of literal rendering of Ephesians 5:19-20: "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." sometimes I speak better in and through music. songs sometimes compose better prayers for my heart's cry than any words i could ever dream up. and so, i sing.

he has really been using Casting Crown's "Between the Altar and the Door" lately to open up my heart and pour into my soul. i see a portrait of myself and my walk with Christ over and over in each powerful song. as i listened to each song for the first time, one called "Somewhere in the Middle" struck a very powerful chord in me. and ever since, i've been attempting to put into words the emotions and truths stirred within my heart, but they have been eluding me.

Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

those to me are the most profound, insightful words that look into my walk with the Lord. i know i am not finished, i know there is still much work to be done to make me more like Christ. but sometimes, i get so tired of working for it. i get tired of the pain of the potter pulling and pushing on this stubborn lump of clay. and i stay the way i am. and yet, what a long way i have to go.

so i sit in the middle, not moving backwards, but afraid to take the next step. trusting in myself and my vision for my life rather than trusting God and leaping in faith. and God has most of my life, but not complete abandonment. sometimes it seems i have too much concern for me, and not enough for God.

as much as i desire the liberation of removing the shackles of needing to control my own life, it's scary. uncomfortable. unfamiliar and unknown.

and so, the shift from the middle begins. God deserves more than second best. and i pray for the strength to be weak so He can be strong in the great mystery of faith that i walk by. and He will guide me each step, as long as I follow.

learning to fly

i've befriended a small red feathered friend. i'm sure he has no clue that i exist, but its very presence has been such an encouragement and blessing for me. each day as i struggle, this cardinal appears in the window to look down upon me and the world in which i am living. his bright color lights up the otherwise black, white, and grey room, and i can't help but smile and press on.

however, my little friend had another lesson in store for me. he and his whole family sat in a tree outside the window and tried (unsuccessfully) one at a time to enter my room through a glass window. it wasn't violent or painful, just a gentle nudging, an insistent pushing against an impenetrable glass pane. and one at a time, they retreated to their tree, to sit and wait in hopes that someone would break through.

i identified with that confused and disappointed family of birds. first, in a grass is greener on the other side thought. i always want what i can't have, think things would be better if God had chosen to make things different in my life. woe is me, my life is so hard, and the if only's begin...

and then i was blown away with what came next. God has blessed me with a world of color in my life NOW. i have more blessings than i can count. if i took a minute to stop and reflect, i would be more than happy where i am. and yet...

i'm restless and discontented. disappointed. frustrated. discouraged. in my mind there is an impenetrable separation between where i am and what i want that i push and push at until i am exhausted. i'm looking at and to the wrong things to satisfy. if i would turn my back to the glass and face my world, what i life i could live.

it's time to stop retreating and start living. no regrets. Lord, help me fly.

the lesson in daisies

it's amazing how a few little seeds i scattered in a small clay pot between some potting soil have been such an encouragement and lesson to me. for the first few days, the pot was empty, but i kept watering it, hoping the seeds would sprout despite the lack of sunshine. about a week later, i had six green sprouts pushing upward through the black soil... the next day there were nine. one is bigger and taller than the rest, he's in the middle of the pot. quite the attention hog. the others around the edges are just straining upward, still growing. and no matter how i turn them, they push up towards the light. i keep rotating them so they won't grow crooked. i left for easter, i knew i was going to be gone a while but i watered them extra before i left and thought they would be ok. after leaving my precious daisies alone for four days, when i returned they were slumped over, withering, in serious need of some water. so i grabbed a cup and watered, and watered, and watered. borderline flood, i was expecting the ark to float by. but by the end of the day, the giant was back up to its usual floppy leaved perky self. the others followed his example and within 24 hours, i now have twelve happy, perky daisies.

i too get dry. i too need to be watered, and watered, and watered until there's no where else for the moisture to go but to overflow. God loves me and loves me and pours out his spirit on me until i'm overflowing, and i perk back up. i gain a new perspective on life and stand up tall, empowered with the holy spirit. i don't always lean towards the light.. i have a tendency to fall away or turn my life. but in the end its the son that captures me once again, and i leave the darkness to be nurtured in the light. i keep striving and pushing toward maturity, my struggles the soil. i will never be free of them, my strength is rooted in them. each new day is full of new challenges to stretch my roots a little deeper, grow a little closer to my father, and persevere. thank you daisies.

if only i knew

the satisfaction that came with the completion of voice and diction as well as management was cut short with the uncertainty of what i'm doing with my life. really, what i'm doing is not the question as much as what God is doing. a neon sign really would be nice. i feel like i'm running out of time -- but God has perfect timing.. so i'm just listening, waiting it out.
i have so many unanswered questions. i know its for a reason, but that doesnt stop me from being frustrated. i'm not worried or panicked.. that would do no good. i'm amazingly peaceful about the whole thing. once again im telling myself "you'll know when you need to know."

theres no song to fit this place in between the silence
of uncertainty and the cries of doubt
i reach for you but you feel just out of my touch
i long for your intimate presence but wont let you
fight for me as i wrestle the waves of fear
determined to crawl my way back down the path i ran away

and i'm mad at you for being in my way
my tears confessing how much i need your strength
Abba, just hold me like the tiny child i am