God really does know what he's doing, and he really is in charge. I don't believe that with my whole heart. There's a pretty large chunk of me that holds back and thinks that I can do it better my way, but God always shows me up. I can't believe this is really coming true, i'm nervous and so excited all at the same time. The place that holds my heart will now be my home. Someone pinch me please. I wish I had more faith, I wish I knew how to make it all better. I know that God is guiding me down this path, but why do I brag of my own doings? I want to be robbed of myself, stripped of ME and filled with God. I want to overflow, to be undeniably permanently stained by the hand of my creator. Why do i try to cover such beauty up with horrible colored paints of my own concoction?
Soon I start the next step in my journey. After this small, eye opening break, I'll be off for the summer to teach little and big kids alike about Jesus. And yet i wonder, how much will they teach me. I know God has so much in store for me this summer, and I'm struggling to keep open. In a strange mix between dissapointment, anticipation, apathy, and excitement, I've found no balance. I need God as my center, my anchor, before I can set sail.
Break me God, so this mirror of you can reflect your light into more dark places.
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