ramblings

the time has slipped away, but not unnoticed. so much has happened, yet the words once again escaped me. i've realized the mask i've created with cryptic words and unclear posts and i know that this dishonesty has kept me silent for so long. but as my heart sings again, i find words. i find purpose. and i am excited at not knowing what the future holds. each new step draws me closer to a world of unknowns, and i am perfectly comfortable with that at this point in my life.

i hear God calling me so clearly to serve him. not by my own strength, but giving up all i have and allowing him to work so beautifully through my huge weaknesses. and i still haven't mastered the giving up part. God has so much work to do in me. it amazes me that he never gives up on this stubborn heart of mine, but gently and steadily kneads and molds me into what he desires. my heart has found a home, yet sometimes i refuse to take my coat and shoes off. i don't understand myself.

in the midst of craziness and busyness, God has grabbed my heart once again and started a fire. to quote Ginny Owens, "i don't want to be a flame, i wanna be a raging fire." i'm tired of the fizzling out candle i so often portray. i want to be visible, to affect (or infect?) others with Christ. it amazes me that it takes having no time at all for God to grab me and suddenly i have all the time in the world. priorities, it's all about priorities.

the stirrings of my soul are familiar yet unknown. God is preparing my heart, but for what I am not sure. I know it's great. i know it is of His strength and not my own. I know i am not anxious or ready to jump the gun and take it all on myself. i'm happy waiting, yet longing to see God's vision. i know it's beautiful.

and still stirring.