once again, i find myself here... in this place between knowing and listening intently for an answer. all i hear is the silence ringing in my ears. and in these times i discover who i really am when all the costumes are layed aside.
i don't know where i'll be in four months. i dont know what i'm doing with my life. i feel unsteady and scared, and at the same time, at peace. i know God has a perfect plan for me, but i wish he'd tell me whats going on.
i can get mad at God. it's ok. he knows what i'm feeling anyway, i might as well tell him. and so i'm mad. i cry hot tears, and wave angry, accusing fingers at a beautiful cloudless blue sky. sometimes i accuse him of not knowing what he's doing. i can't get any smaller then. how dare i challenge God's omniscience?
i cant help but smile ever so slightly when i think of how he must be watching me, with a small smirk like that of a parent who realizes how ridiculous their child's cry of "i can do it on my OWN!" and also understands how they'll soon be taking their hand for help.
i've been learning a lot in the valley, especially since i've realized what to call where i am. i have a lot more to learn. i long for the breath-taking view at the peak, but can't even see the tip of the mountain from here. God will have me there in due time.
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Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." In my life, I desire to glorify God in all I do, sharpening those close to me as they do the same in return.
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