beyond the splendor of lilies

"See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34

i love flowers. each one has an intricate, delicate beauty all to its own. i find them especially beautiful when i have helped them to grow.

wildflowers especially have this exquisite, untamed charm that i am drawn to. God's mercy and love seems to be painted on the face of each petal, and something about them captivates me. they are not prized treasures to most, not sold in bundles from the florists shop for special occasions, but rather, they strain on their own through the broken soil, revealing a beautiful display of glory.

and it startles me to think that the creator of these bursts of splendor prizes me even more. all the beauty i see in these fragrant splashes of color- He sees even more in me. while i may not be sought after by the world, He pursues after me hotly with a holy blaze of passion.

and while my days certainly do have enough troubles as i push upward through this broken world, i find myself in a constant battle of the "what ifs" and "what nows". while i am here to display the glory of my creator, i wonder how much of that beauty fades under the weight of my worries.

God holds all my tomorrows. what have i to fear? my focus should be on daily, in each moment, seeking first His desires for my every step, trusting in obedience, not running ahead, finding myself lost, scared, and confused.

who better than the creator to know what i need? and He withholds nothing from me that i need. as i learn this truth, i pray my splendor and beauty is found in Christ alone.

God, help me bloom in the Son. Amen.

monsters under the bed

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6

the fear of the unknown can be paralyzing. sometimes the easiest choice is to stay put, rather than facing uncharted territory. praise God that the choice isn't always ours to make.

the israelites have been wandering for years, waiting to enter the land that was promised to them. they have shown themselves to be a selfish, complaining people and easily persuaded away by other gods, even having seen the power of God intimately on their journey. and yet our faithful God blesses this unfaithful people with these words.

this new promised land was a land of uncertainty for the people of israel. there were enemies to conquer to take the land. and yet this land was PROMISED- it was to be theirs. despite this promise, they were concerned that their own strength was not enough. and they were correct in this assumption. only through God's strength could they enter the promised land that was theirs.

in our life, in our battles and uncertainties, the strength and courage to be possessed is not our own. the reason we can be strong and courageous is because the Lord goes with us. our boldness and strength does not lie within ourselves, but with God who lives inside us.

God is true to his Word He has given. He will never fail or forsake us. we will not be led into a battle that we will lose. even when circumstances would seem to indicate otherwise, God has a greater and higher purpose in mind. each victory in battle is part of His design. when the victory comes in the form of hard times or struggles, God is not surprised, dismayed, or defeated. He is still victorious.

it is the Lord our God who goes with us.

isn't it time we started living victoriously rather than scared and defeated? just as the monsters under the bed vanish in the light, fear and doubt flee in the face of the light of the world. this world was never meant to be easy. but with Christ in us, we were meant to be victorious.

Father, shine your light on this dark world that they may see your victory. Amen.

beautiful one

"One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, 'Look at us!' So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

Then Peter said, 'Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.' Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him." -Acts 3:1-10

God has used his word over and over to speak to me, as it is fresh and alive, and working in my heart today. i can put myself in each person's shoes in this slice of life, and each one has something to say to me. today, i am John.

i can imagine Peter and John approaching the temple together, perhaps discussing some teaching of Jesus, or what was happening in the world then. they come to enter the gate, a crippled, dirty, lonely man sits, and they continue to talk, ignoring him completely, used to seeing half-heartedly and passing by beggars at the temple gate each time they came to pray. but as the man cried out for money, this time was different.

perhaps they had just had a study on caring for the homeless. maybe they were feeling especially compassionate this day. but as the man cried out for money, as was his routine, they stopped in their tracks.

Peter, inspired by the Holy Spirit, has a plan. he has been given words to say to this man by a holy God, who has seen this man's plight, which was deeper than financial insecurities. Peter begins to see this man for the first time.

but there's John, standing next to him. as Peter commands the man's attention, in my mind's eye i can see him digging in his pockets, desperately searching for a bit of change, or a piece of leftover lunch, oblivious to what is about to happen.

now, i know this isn't scriptural, or probably the way things happened, but God has blessed me with an overactive imagination. and while this may not be true of John, it is so often true of me.

so often, i stand frantically searching for a morsel of food or a small amount of money to pass along to someone in need. i see a problem, and i want to fix it. but by applying a band-aid to a gaping wound and sending them on their way, aren't i doing more harm than good?

while i desire to fix the problems i can see, God desires much more to fix the eternal plight of their souls.

if Peter and John had thrown this beggar a denari and went on to pray, he would still be there, crippled and dirty and damned to hell, each day that passed.

but as Peter really saw the man that day, he was used by God to share with this man how God could fix his problems that were so much bigger than poverty.

God, please hide me behind your cross. shine through me so that others may see Jesus in me, and not myself. give me the eyes to see the world as you see it, and the courage to act accordingly.

Jubilee is Dawning

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations." (Isaiah 61:1-4)

today is an appropriate day to share where the name for my blog comes from. i have always been captivated by the beautiful picture of restoration and provision God gives through the year of jubilee. and God is restoring me in my own "year of jubilee." the time span is much longer than any calendar year, but God's hand is at work, breaking the chains of slavery and delivering me from the wicked one.

my heart bears many scars of the past, some of which own me more than i own them. and sadly, i've wrestled with them for more than i should. God has begun to remove the veil and restore me to what i can completely be in him. where i had nothing but ashes, God has restored beauty.
there are so many words i could say about the scripture from Isaiah concerning my jubilee, but i think they are best left in their original form. my heart has never felt more whole, more complete, than now, reading through those powerful words, knowing God has covered the darkness with the light of His unfailing, neverending, forEVER love.

and that is my jubilee. it is still dawning. praise God.

walk by faith

music inspires me. i feel it in my soul, it grabs hold of my heart, it does not let go. and i am so grateful that God made me this way, because he often uses music to speak to me. a kind of literal rendering of Ephesians 5:19-20: "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." sometimes I speak better in and through music. songs sometimes compose better prayers for my heart's cry than any words i could ever dream up. and so, i sing.

he has really been using Casting Crown's "Between the Altar and the Door" lately to open up my heart and pour into my soul. i see a portrait of myself and my walk with Christ over and over in each powerful song. as i listened to each song for the first time, one called "Somewhere in the Middle" struck a very powerful chord in me. and ever since, i've been attempting to put into words the emotions and truths stirred within my heart, but they have been eluding me.

Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

those to me are the most profound, insightful words that look into my walk with the Lord. i know i am not finished, i know there is still much work to be done to make me more like Christ. but sometimes, i get so tired of working for it. i get tired of the pain of the potter pulling and pushing on this stubborn lump of clay. and i stay the way i am. and yet, what a long way i have to go.

so i sit in the middle, not moving backwards, but afraid to take the next step. trusting in myself and my vision for my life rather than trusting God and leaping in faith. and God has most of my life, but not complete abandonment. sometimes it seems i have too much concern for me, and not enough for God.

as much as i desire the liberation of removing the shackles of needing to control my own life, it's scary. uncomfortable. unfamiliar and unknown.

and so, the shift from the middle begins. God deserves more than second best. and i pray for the strength to be weak so He can be strong in the great mystery of faith that i walk by. and He will guide me each step, as long as I follow.

learning to fly

i've befriended a small red feathered friend. i'm sure he has no clue that i exist, but its very presence has been such an encouragement and blessing for me. each day as i struggle, this cardinal appears in the window to look down upon me and the world in which i am living. his bright color lights up the otherwise black, white, and grey room, and i can't help but smile and press on.

however, my little friend had another lesson in store for me. he and his whole family sat in a tree outside the window and tried (unsuccessfully) one at a time to enter my room through a glass window. it wasn't violent or painful, just a gentle nudging, an insistent pushing against an impenetrable glass pane. and one at a time, they retreated to their tree, to sit and wait in hopes that someone would break through.

i identified with that confused and disappointed family of birds. first, in a grass is greener on the other side thought. i always want what i can't have, think things would be better if God had chosen to make things different in my life. woe is me, my life is so hard, and the if only's begin...

and then i was blown away with what came next. God has blessed me with a world of color in my life NOW. i have more blessings than i can count. if i took a minute to stop and reflect, i would be more than happy where i am. and yet...

i'm restless and discontented. disappointed. frustrated. discouraged. in my mind there is an impenetrable separation between where i am and what i want that i push and push at until i am exhausted. i'm looking at and to the wrong things to satisfy. if i would turn my back to the glass and face my world, what i life i could live.

it's time to stop retreating and start living. no regrets. Lord, help me fly.